I don’t even hate my new job I just am a huge depresso and I want to lie down and never get up
Of course you’re going to look big when compared to a smaller person. Of course you’re going to look small when compared to a bigger person.
I don’t like it when strange men talk to me.
—A Little Lost
A suggestion for your peace of mind: imagine that you’re moving, and you’re paring everything down because you have decide whether you like that dress enough to pay to check another bag, whether you think you’ll read that book often enough to make it worth its weight in media mail. What do you keep? What do you get rid of? Go through all your papers, all your photos. What’s important? What can you photograph and email to yourself and throw out and never think about again? Feel lighter and lighter. Feel like a buddha or a ramblin’ man. Feel like you could pick up any old time and go any old where. But stay put. Stay put in your asceticism. Sweep the now clear floors. Look satisfied at your clear swept floors, your near-empty closets. Breathe deeper: feel your chest clear and swept as well. You don’t need your high school yearbook. You certainly don’t need your middle school yearbook. Nobody is ever going to ask to see your 1st grade report card. It all still happened and it’s never coming back. Your grandpa died and he gave you that puzzle, but you’re never going to put it together and if you give it away you’ll still love him just as much. Pack yourself a small small small box of treasures you permit yourself, and let the rest go, and notice that you’re still the same, only clearer, only swept. You’re fine. Picking out what to wear in the morning is very easy now. You’ll start to look at things with a ruthless eye. You’ll start to realize you don’t really like that many of your things. You’ll start to buy fewer things. You’ll still be the same without the things. You’ll slowly accumulate things, and eventually have to begin paring again.